Five Wishes

The phone ringing at 2 a.m. warned me the end was near. “This is Dr. Singh from Good Samaritan Hospital,” said the message on my cell. “Please call as soon as possible.” I shook the sleep out of my head and called the number he gave me.

Dr. Singh answered, his voice filled with compassion. “Mr. Young is in critical condition. His white blood cell count and blood pressure are very low. We need to know if we should take heroic measures to keep him alive.  Are you his wife?”

“No,” I replied, truthfully.

“Does he have family?”

“He has a brother, a doctor in Kansas.  He hasn’t been actively involved.  I know the most about Eddie’s situation.  He does not want to be revived.”  For the next twenty minutes I begged Dr. Singh not to interfere, filling him with the details of my significant other’s year-long decline and oft-repeated wish that death would end his suffering.  I knew what Eddie wanted, but I did not have the legal authority to satisfy the hospital.

Dr. Singh patiently listened, said he would try to reach Dr. Young, and get back to me.

“Please, please, just let him die,” I prayed as I fell into a fitful sleep.

Every day families face difficult decisions concerning how their loved ones will be treated at the end of life.  Some families do not know the wishes of the dying person, layering guilt and confusion over an already traumatic situation.  Or, like me, they do know, but do not have the legal documents to act on the person’s behalf.

Hospitals, leery of lawsuits, will do everything they can to keep a patient alive, even though heroic measures such as feeding tubes, artificial respiration and CPR may do no more than prolong the dying process.

It’s convenient to avoid talking or thinking about a time when we cannot make our wishes known—death is so far off.  But do you have life insurance?  Having a living will is end-of-life insurance.  If you don’t have a living will, you want to know about Five Wishes, a product of Aging with Dignity. The following information is take from the website http://www.agingwithdignity.org.

“Aging with Dignity is a national non-profit organization with a mission to affirm and safeguard the human dignity of individuals as they age and to promote better care for those near the end of life. The life and work of Mother Teresa of Calcutta served as the inspirational foundation of Aging with Dignity… Her tender care and concern for all a person’s needs – medical, emotional and spiritual – served as the inspiration for Five Wishes, America’s most popular living will.

“Every adult has the right to make health care decisions in advance of a health crisis. They should be able to convey these decisions in legally valid documents that are easy to understand, allow people to put their wishes in their own words and include matters of the heart and soul.

“Five Wishes lets your family and doctors know:

• Who you want to make health care decisions for you when you can’t make them.
• The kind of medical treatment you want or don’t want.
• How comfortable you want to be.
• How you want people to treat you.
• What you want your loved ones to know.

“Five Wishes is changing the way America talks about and plans for care at the end of life. More than 14 million copies of Five Wishes are in circulation across the nation, distributed by more than 23,000 organizations. Five Wishes meets the legal requirements in 42 states and is useful in all 50.”

I heard from Dr. Singh again early the next morning.  He had not been able to contact Eddie’s brother.  I repeated my reasons for insisting that Eddie did not want intervention in his dying process. “We probably will not interfere,” Dr. Singh finally conceded.

“Does Eddie want me to be there?” I asked. “If he is near death, call me.”

I next heard from Dr. Singh at 11 that morning.  “I have some bad news,” he reported.  “Mr. Young died at 10:10 a.m.”

I breathed a sigh of relief.

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You can order a copy of Five Wishes from www.agingwithdignity.org. Please do not put it off.

Have you had to make an end of life decision for a loved one?  What was your experience?